Imagine if you will, that someone comes up with the idea for a show, and gets a bunch of government (read: taxpayer) money to produce it. Then they broadcast it on government (read: taxpayer) funded television.

What do you think my show should be like? What if it were a comedy? A comedy like Archie Bunker - a real classic that made fun of minorities and Catholics. Do you think All in the Family would get made today, and if so, do you think it would be aired on public television? Do you think the government (read: taxpayers) would pay to be humiliated by a bigoted WASP?

Did you think Michael Richard's ranting about black audience members was just part of his schtick, and that it was funny? Hey - can we buy that on DVD? What a great routine!!

I've got a great idea: Let's make it a Catholic comedy, and then we can have scenes like this:

Daughter walks into the room in a midi-top.

Father: Oh my! You can't wear that! You look like a protestant!

Daughter: Don't you mean a prostitute?

Father: No, I mean a Protestant!

Cue the laugh track! The Catholics are making fun of the Protestants, what a hoot!

And of course, we have to have dumb black guys. What's funnier than dumb black guys, right?? The dumber the better, with popping eyes, big hair, and a rake or shovel, because that's all blacks do, if they're not on welfare, right? Or maybe an urban black kid, with a do-rag, baggy pants and a gun in his quilted jacket that he wears in July. I'm sure the black community won't mind. I mean, it isn't like it's offensive or anything.

But we better not have any Muslims in the show. You know how touchy they can be. We wouldn't want to offend them - not on a government (read: taxpayer) station! There could be lawsuits, protests, beheadings, even! No, that won't do. Or if we do put them in the show, we should maybe have them make fun of the black guy. What do you mean lots of Muslims are black? Oh. Maybe take the black guy out, and put in more Muslims. There, problem solved. But then, who's going to be the dumb guy? I mean, we can't make it one of the Muslim guys - they'd have CAIR-CAN on our asses like flies on camel dung.

So, what can we have the Muslims doing that won't offend them too much? We can't just have them praying all the time. Maybe we can have them telling jokes! No one would expect that!! Great idea! But, what do Muslims joke about? Do they joke? I know! We'll have them make fun of the Catholics! Or the Protestants.

Hey, how about we make one of the white guys a cop, and make him dumb? The Muslims will love that! And then we can have great jokes about where the cop is a racist, and the Muslims are comically innocent and misunderstood.

Let's make all the white guys dumb racists. Really dumb.

But then, who would utter that terribly clever line about looking like a Protestant? How about the Muslim? Yes! See, then it isn't bigotted, because Muslims are a peaceful, oppressed minority, so it doesn't matter if they make fun of the white guy. Perfect!

So now we have a show where all the white guys are dumb, and all the Muslims are funny and quick as they just try to make a life for themselves among the dumb white racists. Excellent. The viewers (read: taxpayers) will love it! And it goes without saying that any white Protestant who finds it offensive is a dumb racist - so we're covered! What should we call it?

How about: Little Mosque on the Prairie?

Labels: Islam, Religion