As far as breakups go, it was probably the best I could have hoped for. It's not every man who is about to break your heart that draws you a bubble bath on a snowy night, lights candles in the bathroom, and puts your Jewel CD on in the background before you even get home from fighting your way through the blizzard.
It was a Wednesday night in January, 1997. I came home to this magnificent display, but an empty apartment. T wasn't there. But I knew he'd be back, so I slipped into the tub (ouch! too hot! I cooled it a little), relaxed to the sound of Jewel, and soaked for a while. The CD kept playing the same song over and over, and it was so romantic...
Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the effect you have over me
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Out of the tub, I slipped on my green silk nighty, and lay down, letting the cares of the day dissipate. I took a call from a friend, telling her I had the best boyfriend in the world. And then I heard the key in the lock. The music was still playing. I bolted to the door to greet him, excited as a puppy. I kissed him, and he untangled my arms from around his neck and pulled away. I was confused. I actually thought he had a toothache or something!
He looked into my eyes, he looked so sad, and I understood. All the bubbles and candles were there just to soften the blow. He was leaving me.
At the time I was angry at his approach, but damn! That was classy. Heavy on the awful mixed messages, but classy nonetheless. No heartbreak before or since has had such a soundtrack, such a set stage... it certainly appealed to my sense of the dramatic.
On my iPod tonight (yes, I finally got one, thanks to Mr. Right on my birthday):
She - Elvis Costello
She may be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
Maybe my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day Under My Skin - Frank Sinatra
I've tried so not to give in
I've said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know damn well
That I've got you under my skinThe More I See You - Michael Buble
The more I see you,
The more I want you.
Somehow this feeling
Just grows and grows.
With every sigh I become more mad about you,
More lost without you,
And so it goes.You Go To My Head - Frank Sinatra
You go to my head
You go to my head,
And you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne.I Love You - Sarah McLachlan
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh and every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night's
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you soSeems I'm Never Tired Loving You - Nina Simone
Darling, you are always needed
And your tenderness is needed too
And it seems that Im never tired
loving you, loving you
never was a feeling stronger
aching for the sweet things you do
and it seems that Im never tired loving youUninvited - Alanis Morissette
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slightI Want You - Melissa Etheridge
Since that night I'm not the same
Desire breeds an ugly stain inside me
Satisfaction never comes
It's always dark and yet I still run
Even when I close my eyes
You torture me with shameless sighs seduction
Walking in a chilling sweat
Pounding heart inside my chest I'm screaming
