Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes really, really weird? Not all bad, just...weird. Today, I am champion of the short bus. No doubt about it, watch for me at the next Special Olympics.

My day began as all days do: frantically getting ready for work. Just when I thought I was ready to bolt out the door and catch the subway, I remembered I had a dentist appointment. I could have slept for another hour. Idiot. Anyway, I passed the hour, went to the dentist's office, and announced myself. Blank stare from the receptionist. Are you sure you don't have me in your calendar? Very sure. Your appointment is not for another two weeks - in the evening. WTF?? Timmy!

I head downtown to work. Do a little banking, but the system is on the fritz - maybe the deposit will go in today, maybe not. You know, I just love playing that kind of roulette when the cell phone company is threatening to cut my service thanks to the $700 bill I racked up in DC. But I digress (did a lot of that today).

Between the bank and work, I stopped at Starbucks. Part of the morning routine. What I don't normally do every morning though is leave my effing wallet on the counter when I leave! Did not notice this till after lunch... Timmy!

Walk into work, arch-nemesis meets me at the door. With an apology. Let's start over. Like I said: not all bad, just very weird.

Check my calendar - apparently I was looking at my boss's calendar yesterday, because he had the dentist appointment this morning!!! Timmy!

Notice missing wallet. Call Starbucks. Yes, they have it. So I run down to get it (and buy a chai latte) when the manager informs me that they'd been trying to contact me all day, and called my credit card company to try to contact me themselves. Fuck.

Get back upstairs, call Mastercard. Yup, they cancelled the card for security. Timmy!

I won't even go through the to and fro I had with FedEx on another matter, but suffice it to say, I lost that battle. And the tracking number. Timmy!

Then my "buddies" Galapagan and Nom_de show up to start the shiznit. Okay, fine. I was getting death threats on Sunday - these two guys are hardly going to ruffle my feathers compared to a fatwa. Whatever. In the end, everyone's getting along. Weird. But plotting a DDOS attack just ain't polite. Really. Time for a little finishing school. No way to treat a lady... or me.

I am going to hide in my fucking bed with the covers pulled up, and try again tomorrow. It can't possibly be this screwed up two days in a row, can it?

Oh, but the federal budget was good. Not even weird - just good.

[Edited May 3, 12:14 PM: Nom_de has left a note in the comments saying that he is not responsible for planning the DDOS attack against yours truly. I accept him at his word. - RG]