The lights are up on Capitol hill. Janette at Common Sense Runs Wild is blogging nothing else until the tube goes back in. George Bush has flown back to Washington from his trip home to Texas. There is a large and vocal movement in the blogosphere, some of which can be seen here.

Last night my husband asked me whose side I was on. Do I want to see the tube in or out? Honestly, I don't know. Terry Schiavo is not terminally ill. In fact, no one really knows what's wrong with her, or how to fix it. I don't agree that a slow and painful starvation is the right way about ending her alleged suffering. If she's actually suffering. That's the problem - we don't know.

Sunny von Bulow has been in a coma since December of 1980, breathing on her own, and no one has made any moves to disconnect her feeding tubes. Why not? Because too much money is in play if she passes? Who knows? It is still undetermined if she had attempted suicide, or if her husband - the infamous Claus von Bulow - tried to kill her. Would he have come clean and told a different story if he hadn't had Alan Dershowitz to get him off the charge?

Personally, I don't think it's anybody's business but the Schiavos' and the Schindlers'. But since they can't get it straight between themselves, we are all now riveted to the news to see how it plays out.

What if it were me? Would I want to live like that? No. I already know that. I watched both my parents suffer with terminal illness, and would have done anything within the law to speed up their dying. At one point, I considered going beyond the law, when I was just 14, and would have walked away from a charge. My father talked me out of it, warning me I might not be able to live with myself if I had done what I had planned to do. Mercifully, my mother died a few days after my discussion with my father. She weighed 47lbs, had ulcers in her stomach from the amount of morphine she was taking, screamed of pain constantly until there wasn't enough air in her lungs to scream anymore. She had a layer of fuzzy black hair all over her face and arms, from the strength of the drugs she was taking. She had an unfortunate resistence to pain killers, necessitating the strongest dosages of morphine, direct into her spinal column.

But my mother had two things that Terry doesn't. My mother had an illness that was destined to kill her in a short period of time, and she had a living will that requested no extrmeme measures should be taken to keep her alive (both my parents had this). Once, she nearly heammoraged to death, and her surgeon saved her. My father reminded him that he had no right to do so, and asked him to please once again inform his staff that no such measures should be taken again.

Personally, I wouldn't want the life that Terry has right now. She's trapped in a useless body, possibly trapped in her own mind, looking out, unable to tell us what she wants. Maybe her husband means well. I know that's what I expect of Mr. Right, and we've talked about it many times, given my family's predisposition toward cancer. In a way, I feel it's selfish of the Schindlers to prolong a life that isn't being lived. Just because your lungs continue to pump air in and out doesn't mean you are living.

But this is their baby girl, their daughter. It's hard to let go, especially when they've come to terms with the condition she's in, and are perfectly willing to let it continue. But in ten or fifteen years, Mr. & Mrs. Schindler may no longer be with us, or they may be incapacitated themselves. We already know that Michael Schiavo has no real interest in her anymore. If the Schindlers aren't around anymore, and Terry is still alive, she will be alone.

And what are Michael Schiavo's motivations? Why does he have such a hard-on for pulling the tube out? This whole issue would go away if he would just drop it. She began life in the care of her parents, as we all do, and her parents are asking for the opportunity to care for her as her life ends - if it ends. Why doesn't he just back off? Her family has offered to allow him to divorce her uncontested, so he can be free to continue his new life with no obligation to Terry.

Who's side am I on? Terry's I suppose. But no one knows for sure what she wants, and I don't know for sure what I want for her. I'm not praying tonight for her to live or die. Instead, I'm praying that she is peaceful and happy, cooped up in that body of hers. I pray that if the tube stays out, she doesn't feel the twisting pain of starvation. I pray that if it goes back in, she is content with living out her life - or isn't aware of it. In all the debating of right-to-life/right-to-die, we seem to have lost sight of what really matters in this case: Terry Schiavo.