It emerged yesterday that Ldg Hand Cranmer, 24, from Edinburgh, has been recognised by the Royal Navy as a Satanist and granted permission to practise ritual on board.

Ldg Hand Cranmer told a Sunday newspaper he realised he was a Satanist nine years ago when he "stumbled across" a copy of the Satanic Bible - written by Church of Satan founder Anton Szandor LaVey.

"I then read more and more and came to realise I'd always been a Satanist," he said.

The politically correct crowd, of course, give him full permission to conduct his rituals on board. After all, they must, or other persecuted (I'll leave it up to you to figure out who I mean by that) religions might feel that their rights are being threatened.

Tory former minister, Ann Widdecombe, said: "Satanism is wrong. Obviously the private beliefs of individuals ... are their own affair but I hope it doesn't spread.

"There should be no question whatsoever of allowing Satanist rituals on board any ship in Her Majesty's Royal Navy.

"What they believe and do in their own home is one thing, what they do at work is the business of their employer."

Perhaps someone ought to look into curses he might have put on the Chicoutimi submarine.