Last night was the English-language debate for the federal election at the end of the month. The 4 major parties were represented (My husband asked "Four?" Yes, 4. Apparently, the Bloc Quebecois counts as one of the major parties, which really pissed off the Green Party, who were not invited to the ball. Because no one cares.)

Jack Layton of the NDP (read: Commie Pinko Dogs) has this enormous smiling head, kind of a cross between a Mickey Mouse balloon and the talking head from The Wizard of Oz. For the first time, I understood the sickening turn of phrase: Shit Eating Grin.

Gilles Duceppe, leader of the Bloc Quebecois (read: separatists), was hard-assed but charming, starting off the debate by saying he was not going to cooperate on policy with any of the other attendees, and effectively saying that he was just there for the free sandwiches in the green room, because he wanted nothing to do with Canada. How pissed off would he be, if just for a lark, the whole country voted him as Prime Minister, and he actually had to think outside the Bloc, er, box for once?

Stephen Harper of the Conservative Party (read: got my vote) was the most grown-up of the bunch, and tried to take a step back from the childish squabbling that was going on around him. Well dressed, poised (with the least amount of hand flailing), and well spoken, he did not allow himself to be dragged down into the mire with the brats.

Which leaves us with Prime Minister Paul Martin, of the Liberal Party (read: $3/4 billion lost in scandal). Oh my. His smug-factor was off the clock, with his casual dismissal of what his opponents were saying, and not bothering to answer the touchy question, although what he has to be smug about is beyond me. His party is trailing in the polls, they are quagmired in scandal and lost funds, and the country has had a looong 10 years of Liberal screw-ups. See this morning's Macleans article for a similar take:

Who taught Paul Martin to put his hand in another man's face to shut him up?

Beyond that unique little display of offhand barbarity, Martin was not alone. Give Gilles Duceppe a bye: as far as I can tell, it's his job to be a jackass. The other offenders, in rough descending order of offensiveness, were:

• Jack Layton, skinnin' and grinnin' like a third-rate used-car salesman;
• Martin, who claimed the others weren't listening even as he steadfastly refused to look at them.

Harper was the only remotely civilized adult on stage. He was also the only candidate who paused, even if only briefly, to acknowledge that government sometimes requires difficult choices. He did not shine; he simply stood back a few paces from the mud wrestlers he found himself trapped with.

As an aside, however, I heard Paul Martin speak in Montreal on September 14th, 2001, at a memorial service for the WTC victims. Out of all the religious leaders in attendance, all making flowery speaches about Heaven and the life beyond, Paul Martin's speech was the best, and he's just a politician. He spoke from his heart, about how the tragedy made him and his family feel, and how we stood in solidarity with the USA that day. I like Paul Martin as a man, but not as a politician.

As for last night's debate, it was nothing but a media circle-jerk, and nothing was accomplished, except that CTV managed to go a full two hours without commercials. Impressive indeed.